Idealistic perception of marriage – Part 3

So you’re standing with your friend around the water cooler or in line at Starbucks or waiting for your movie to start and the conversation turns to their impending divorce and you hear these words: “I’m not in love with him anymore. We’ve grown apart.”

Really?

The aforementioned words are spoken by people that have entered into marriage with a very idealistic view of what it takes for marriage to last a lifetime. And that idealism translates into a view of marriage that is very unrealistic. Here’s how it happens…

Couple meets. Couple falls in love (read “good sex”). Couple thinks good sex makes for a great marriage. Couple gets engaged. Couple spends no money on premarital counseling. Couple spends a stupid amount of money on the wedding. Couple lives happily…until the couple gets frustrated with each other about communication, money, friends, family, leisure time. Couple “grows apart”. Couple has “fallen out of love”. Couple talks to their friend in line at the movie. Couple files for divorce.

Kids cry. More on that in a future post…

I’ve talked to a lot of couples where the “grown apart” line has started off our conversations. As I listen to the person talk I begin to hear about how their needs aren’t being met. They say the person they married isn’t growing with them. They want more. It’s a very self-centered conversation at this point. It always ends the same. One or both of the spouses have become self-involved and they won’t stop until they get what they want, even if it means divorce.

There you have it. The whole “we’ve grown apart” thing is a very politically correct way of saying I’m not getting what I want so I’m going to go get what I want.

An idealistic view of marriage says as long as we always get along, have enough money, the kids are perfect, and Thanksgiving and Christmas family gatherings are squabble free we’ll stay married for life. That ain’t even happening on John and Kate Plus 8.

Marriage is about love, to be sure. Unfortunately, the word “love” is tossed around as a synonym for varying levels of pheromones and testosterone. Real love transcends the physical.

Real love is unconditional. Real love is willing to be loyal to your spouse under any circumstance. Real love isn’t about holding up your 50% of the marriage. Real love is both spouses giving 100%. Real love is, “We will create a relationship where we will attempt to accomplish each others dreams even if it means personal sacrifice”. Real love is selfless. This love is the God kind of love. This is the love of a marriage that lasts a lifetime. This is the love that takes hard work and patience.

So how’s your marriage? I hope it’s working. If your marriage isn’t working it’s time to try something different. Why not try some God love?