Managing the parenting triangle…

Kids are great. They smile at you, love you unconditionally and look up to you with respect. At least until they’re like two years old. Then things change. The rebellious nature that is inherit in every human being’s DNA begins to transform our offspring into…the spawn of Satan is a bit strong…umm…how about tricky, conniving, manipulative little darlings.

Every parent’s had an encounter with a child that’s attempted to divide and conquer their parents so that they can get what they want. You know, if the kid doesn’t get the answer they want from one parent they go ask the other parent.

When I was in grad school, I developed an addiction to Little Debbie Snack cakes in the form of Devil’s Squares. They are the perfect refined sugar snack. I passed that addiction to my daughter by sneaking her bites when my wife wasn’t looking. When my daughter would fly across the kitchen floor in her walker, my wife thought we were just playing daughter/dad games. My wife finally figured out that when my oldest daughter would hear me unwrap that delicious piece of heaven she would move at warp speed to my chair, flash her baby blues and then open her mouth like a little birdie to get the chocolatey goodness . Mom did not like that I was circumventing a Mom rule. I didn’t think it was as bad for her as the Diet Coke I gave her. It was cute to see her eyes water.

We had words.

Then we had a come to Jesus meeting. Okay, my wife had a come to Jesus meeting. I was wrong because I had allowed my darling daughter to “work the triangle” in a masterful way. My wife had a different rule for the same situation. The triangle of kid/mom/dad is something that took us a while to figure out. Kids learn to work the triangle much quicker than parents learn how to manage the triangle.

The little darling in the walker is now a senior in high school. Once in a while, even though we’ve explained to her that working the triangle is not acceptable, she has a relapse.

It seems stupid to me and her Mom. She knows that Mom and Dad come to a common agreement before most things come up. We’ve learned how to manage the triangle. If we don’t have a common agreement already in place we delay the answer until we can communicate the common agreement. When we don’t, we have words. And then…you know the drill.

Want to stop your kids from working the triangle? Come to a common agreement on what the consequence or reward is in advance of a situation. When a situation arises that doesn’t have a common agreement, delay on giving an answer until you as parents have ONE answer. If kids see that Mom and Dad agree and are functioning as a cohesive parental team, they figure out that working the triangle is useless.

Learn to manage the triangle and your life will be less chaotic.

Blessings on you and your triangle(s).