Affair-proofing your marriage

What a jerk
When you hear of someone that’s had an affair, typical response are, “They should be shot” or “You can’t be serious” or “That sorry…………” Fair enough. I’ve had two close family members suffer affairs. I’m not going to lie, I wanted to beat the living daylight out of the perp. They had wronged someone close to me and I wanted retribution.

Jerk. Self-centered jerk.

Someone that’s had an affair has made some very self-centered choices. They’ve chosen to meet their unmet emotional needs with quick fixes that seem to be the best or easiest option available. Unmet emotional needs puts them in a fog of unhealthy beliefs, rationalization of actions, and denial that a problem exists. So they keep driving through the fog and end up wrecking their life and the lives of their spouse, kids, in-laws and causing damage to friendships.

It takes two, baby
So who didn’t meet the emotional needs of the person that had the affair? We’re always quick to vilify the person that’s had the affair. What about the spouse that, for whatever reason, was being self-centered in their own right by not meeting the emotional needs of their mate?

To be clear, having an affair is wrong, injurious, narcissistic, and short-sighted. However…if a couple is going to thrive together they have to meet each other’s emotional needs. Meeting each others emotional needs is how to affair proof your marriage. Here’s a few to think about:

• Schedule time to talk with each other. You’re busy. You schedule everything else. Communicate with your spouse or they’ll find someone who will.
• Be the safest place for your spouse to rant. Emotional vomit is hard to handle but it doesn’t smell as bad the real stuff when you’re cleaning it up. When your spouse is hurting you have to be a component of their healing.
• Ask your spouse how they’re doing. We all like to talk about ourselves. Ask your spouse how their doing and be willing to listen.
  

• Have sex as often as necessary. If you don’t, your spouse is more likely to find someone who will (1 Cor. 7:1-2). If you do, you’re choosing a healthy view that’s the opposite of being self-centered (1 Cor. 7:3).

How have you affair-proofed your marriage?